-Windsor, Connecticut. Nomad’s Adventure Quest. November 16, 2014.
-Nomad’s Adventure Quest is apparently the name of a thing. How about that?
-This week’s Bond was another Roger Moore joint. Playing the Greek villain was the same guy who played General Veers in The Empire Strikes Back. Nice work, only competent Imperial leader!
-Also… Grand Maester Pycelle? OH MY GOD, PEOPLE, GRAND MAESTER PYCELLE IS GENERAL VEERS!
-Plenty of fallout from the night before. Shard is dead. 17 may or may not be an impostor. My money’s on Gary Sinese!
-Real talk, though, I liked that movie.
-Tonight’s main event is 3.0 challenging for an unprecedented third reign as Campeonatos de Parejas. The Promised Land awaits, but the Throwbacks will certainly have something to say about that!
-In unrelated news, if Chikara needs anyone to write clichéd teasers, I’m cheap. Just saying’…
-Also, is this their first title defense and four months of feuding with the Flood? Damn…
The Devastation Corporation (Blaster McMassive & Max Smashmaster) defeated Ashley Remington & Jervis Cottonbelly, the Batiri (Kodama & Obariyon), and the Bloc Party (Prakash Sabar & the Proletariat Boar of Moldova) via Pinfall
A four-team tag match and no Los Ice Creams? IT’S LIKE I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU ANYMORE, CHIKARA! The Devastation Corporation sits at two points. I don’t think anyone else has any. Is it time for Devastation Corporation to cash in on that Trios victory? Also, Chikara somehow found someone smaller than Gavin Loudspeaker to referee this match.
There were plenty of shenanigans early that eventually turned into a rare mid-match 8-man brawl. Then back into hug-related shenanigans. Then another brawl. Then a Boar Gore to Jervis, who just can’t catch a break. Cottonbelly and Remington were eliminated first. Boar awesomely stared down Ashley while rolling Jervis out of the ring.
The Bloc Party worked the Batiri over next as the Devastation Corporation made the strategic decision to wait for another elimination. Smart strategy from Bakabella’s gang. Meanwhile, the Batiri came back and eliminated Prakash Sabar with a Seventh Circle variant. Their point didn’t last long, but the Bloc Party finally beat someone in Chikara. The Devastation Corporation immediately rushed the ring, crushing the Batiri. The Batiri fought valiantly, but fell to the Death Blow.
Solid match. Mostly unremarkable, but it was entertaining and served its purpose. Whoever wins tonight’s main event will have the honor of hosting the hottest team in Chikara. Dasher wanted it soon and Quack insinuated it’ll be at “Tomorrow Never Dies!”
Hallowicked defeated Worker Ant via Pinfall
It’s student versus master and these two put on a pretty good match. This was mostly catch as catch can, giving Worker Ant the chance to show off some surprising chops in that field. Hallowicked dominated most of the match, as he probably should, but Worker Ant showed some spunk and used his power effectively. Worker Ant was about to hit the Get the Sugar for the win, but Hallowicked was ready with a victory roll counter to win the match.
Hallowicked and Worker Ant showed some mutual respect after the match. That brought out Soldier Ant, who chop blocked Worker Ant before beating a hasty retreat. Seems like Soldier Ant has turned to guerilla warfare.
This was solid storytelling and an almost surprisingly good match. Worker Ant still doesn’t seem to ever move at full speed, but he’s definitely improved his technical ability over the last year. As for Hallowicked, I think he’s the most underrated wrestler in the company. Anyone could have their best match of the year against him.
I went into detail last time, so I’ll summarize as to why I love this matchup. Shynron is so much better when he’s fighting through non-specific pain and Nøkken can deliver a non-specific beating. Shynron’s only hope was through creative aerial attacks and Nøkken isn’t exactly Vo Nguyen Giap out there.
This was a more competitive match than one might assume, which made me happy. The Rey de Volodores should be able to hang with just about anyone. What was surprising, however, was the extent to which Shynron controlled the match. He kept uncorking aerial maneuvers, keeping Nøkken on the defensive most of the match.
After a scary moment where Jakob, Slaash, and Milo seemed to disagree on who would catch Shynron’s huge outside dive (“No one” was apparently the answer), Shynron was about to hit his finisher. Jakob, took advantage of a distraction to hit the Knockout Punch, allowing Nøkken to steal Bull Dempsey’s finisher for the win. No one in Chikara should be borrowing old Bull Dempsey moves. Borrow higher.
The best, however, was yet to come. Milo got a little too self-aggrandizing in his post-match celebration. Jakob ordered Slaash to take him down a peg. Slaash dropped Milo from the turnbuckle, but his mask was torn off in the process. Slaash pulled back his hair, revealing…
Jakob reiterates that insolence (or insolents? I’m not sure) will not be tolerated.
1) This time, he brought a belt with the masks of everyone Deucalion has killed this season. It’s a powerful reminder of what the Flood has accomplished so far, even if they are no closer to their ultimate goal of destroying the company.
2) It comes on the heels of some serious soul-searching the night before. This was the first time Jacob has talked about casualties cognizant of the fact that he might end up one of them. This was either some serious re-dedication or some serious denial.
Icarus came out and challenged Deucalion to a match at “Tomorrow Never Dies.” Deucalion told Icarus he wants a match, but he will get a massacre.
The Osirian Portal (Amasis & Ophidian) defeated the Wrecking Crew (Jaka & Oleg the Usurper) via Pinfall
I thought they’d save this match for “Tomorrow Never Dies,” but here it is. This one has been stewing since “King of Trios Night 3” when The Wrecking Crew cheated to steal the Tag Team Gauntlet, and a Campeonatos de Parejas opportunity, from the Osirian Portal.
A brawl started things off, reminding us that these teams don’t like each other. The Osirian Portal took control until Jaka belly-to-belly suplexed Amasis on the floor. Oleg carried Amasis to the Merch Table of Forgetfulness. Ophidian fought the odds until Amasis came back to make the lucha rules hot tag.
Calling back to King of Trios, Bakabella beaned Amasis with his change bag, seemingly ending a great back-and-forth affair. This time, however, Amasis kicked out! Jaka was taken out and a Doomsday Device Superplex got the win for the Osirian Portal.
This was a fantastic match. There was plenty of great action and the nearfalls were as convincing as I’ve seen in a Chikara match since the Jacobs/Icarus match. So, last month? You know what I’m trying to say…
Sidney ran down Oleg after the match. The crowd immediately showed their support for Oleg, who seemed confused at the concept of people cheering him. Is that an Oleg the Usurper tecnico turn on the horizon?
Most importantly, we discovered that Leonard Chikarason and Sidney Bakabella should be on commentary at all times. Topics of discussion included Sidney not being surprised about Amasis’ bad back from “carrying the Snake to good matches all these years” and that he’s totally fine supporting all the children his wife has had with Stan Hansen over the years.
Eddie Kingston defeated the Lithuanian Snow Troll (w/ Jimmy Jacobs & Volgar) via Pinfall
Eddie Kingston’s path to Jimmy Jacobs continued with the Lithuanian Snow Troll. Does Kingston have any direct beef with Snow Troll or is this a guilty by association thing? I’m guessing the latter.
After Jacobs unchained the Snow Troll, Snow Troll sprinted into battle. Kingston murdered him with a suplex, three powerbombs, and the Backfist to the Future. Kingston barely took his eyes off of Jacobs.
Kingston wanted to fight Jacobs right there. Jacobs obliged, but cheap-shotted Kingston and Speared him. Jacobs wailed away on Kingston until UltraMantis came out to start their match.
Jimmy Jacobs (w/ The Lithuanian Snow Troll & Volgar) defeated UltraMantis Black via Pinfall
This one began with a brawl, highlighting the best part of this match: Watching two evil masterminds try to out-do each other. There was stairs smashing, throat-punching, and tights rollups. Neither was able to claim victory, however, until a Snow Troll distraction allowed Jacobs to win with the Spear. The action was good while it lasted. It could have gone twice as long and no one would have complained, but the storytelling was the focus here.
Frightmare defeated Juan Francisco de Coronado via Pinfall
Two men, no history. I think this was supposed to be Frightmare and Delirious? Frightmare roared out with some flying before Juan Francisco cut him off with a mid-flight dropkick. De Coronado slowed things down, working him over and cutting off Frightmare’s comeback attempts.
Frightmare did come back, however. A Spin Cycle earned a two, but his follow up Kneecolopsy missed, allowing Juan Francisco to hit a German Suplex. The bridge didn’t hold, but Bryce finished the three-count, only to notice Coronado’s feet on the ropes. Bryce ordered the match to continue.
Frightmare knew Juan Francisco would go back to the German and pinned him with a victory roll reversal. I love that part of Juan Francisco’s character. He’s so good that he doesn’t have to cheat, but he’s such a weasel that he can’t help but take shortcuts. He cheats because he wants to, not because he has to.
Still, the loss upset him and Juan Francisco hit three or four more German Suplexes on Frightmare, including a couple that were worryingly high-angle. Finally, Ashley Remington made the save in some hilariously smooth-sailing mom jeans. Juan Francisco fired off a sarcastic gun-finger before leaving.
Another fun match. I have the feeling we are going to get Coronado/Remington III at “Tomorrow Never Dies.”
The Throwbacks (Dasher Hatfield & Mark Angelosetti)(c) defeated 3.0 (Scott Parker & Shane Matthews) 2-0 for the CHIKARA Campeonatos de Parejas
Remember, this match, as all Campeonatos de Parejas defenses, are 2 Out of 3 Falls, a stipulation that rarely fails to improve a match. We should get quite the exhibition from these two teams, even if there is no reason for 3.0 to win.
The match was slow burn at its best. Holds and feeling out dominated the first few minutes. 3.0 worked as the nominal rudos throughout the match. Jagged cut back on the silliness and Matthews emphasized the broish douchebag parts of his personality, elbowing the Throwbacks in the corner, ignoring rope breaks, and pulling classic heel attacks during hot tag teases.
Dasher got the worst of it when 3.0 took over the match. Touchdown tore it up when he finally tagged in. 3.0 kicked out of a Double Musclebuster and Dasher kicked out of the Sweet Taste of Professionalism. A 3D to Jagged finally claimed the first fall at least fifteen minutes into the match.
I loved just about everything about this match. The action was incredible. The build was gripping. I was glued to the character work even when the action was down or building. I don’t give 3.0 enough credit for how good they are. They definitely carried the emotional weight of this match.
It was a little weird seeing 3.0 wrestle without having any fun and I think the crowd was a little unsettled by it too. It was clear that 3.0 was focused, although it turns out that they were too focused. They got so caught up in Chikara history and the Promised Land that they stopped being themselves. They weren’t having fun. Their emotions and frustrations got the better of them. They tried to cut corners. That’s not 3.0. They tried to be something they weren’t, and it cost them the very thing they wanted so badly. Beautiful character work turning these fan-favorites into tragic villains.
Yes, I do sympathize with movie villains more than the heroes. Why do you ask?
The only thing I loved more was Sidney Balkabella coming out in pink Zubaz to threaten the Throwbacks for “Tomorrow Never Dies.”
After “In His Majesty’s Secret Service,” I mused whether the eventfulness of the Saturday was going to lead to a “steadier” Sunday show or hail a gonzo weekend before the finale. Turns out it was the first one. Make no mistake, this was a dang good show. There were not, however, any new revelations or raised stakes for “Tomorrow Never Dies.”
Some huge matches were set or obviously impending, however, and I’m indescribably excited for “Tomorrow Never Dies.” I won’t be able to watch it live on iPPV, but I’ll be checking SmartMark every day until it’s available for purchase.
Let’s establish this now. There is no way something mind-blowing doesn’t happen at “Tomorrow Never Dies.” Let’s check history to see the most recent precedents…
2010: Quack and Jigsaw took the Campeonatos de Parejas back from the BDK at “Reality Is Relative.”
2011: A Grand Champion was crowned at “High Noon,” which is to say nothing for “Joshimania,” the best weekend of professional wrestling I’ve ever seen until 2012 King of Trios.
2012: “Under the Hood” featured an amazing atomicos match to cap off the Quack/Jigsaw/Gekido story and the Mysterious and Handsome Stanger’s final victory over Mr. Touchdown.
2013: There was no 2013 season finale due to the Azerbaijani coal strike.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, I CAN’T WAIT!
Should I Buy It?
For the Wrestling? Yes. The singles matches weren’t everything they could have been, mostly because they seemed a little short on time, but the tag matches were fantastic.
For the Story? Not really. Just making announcements for bigger things to come.
For the History? Some historic matches were made and the Throwbacks had their first Campeonatos de Parejas defense. If that’s enough, go for it.