-Palmer Center. Easton, Pennsylvania. September 21, 2014.
-I’m calling my shot! The Flood vs. The Golden Trio in the Finals. The Flood prevails.
-Also, can we get something with AR Fox and Rich Swann tonight? No? Awwww…
-The Throwbacks seem to be calling their 3D “Prime Time” now instead of that assisted Lightning Spiral. Or maybe Leonard Chikarason is just confused. In any case, I’m sticking with the old Prime Time and calling their 3D the “3D.” Makes sense, I hope.
Icarus & The Throwbacks (Dasher Hatfield & Mark Angelosetti) defeated The Flood (Eddie Kingston, Jimmy Jacobs & Volgar) (w/ The Lithuanian Snow Troll) via Submission
Already? Welp, my prediction lasted all of ten seconds. Still, I like the decision. More importantly, what POW is left for Deucalion to use as a distraction?
The Flood came out to the loudest sustained boos I have ever heard in Chikara. It’s a circular testament to both how good Chikara’s storytelling has been this weekend and how much better an engaged crowd can make a promotion’s storytelling.
Icarus, finding the anger and rage he lacked when two of his students were murdered last night, attacked Jimmy Jacobs in the corner, setting off one of the hottest brawls I’ve ever seen. The Flood took control and started working over Dasher, who eventually made the hot tag. Icarus and Eddie Kingston faced off during a great moment interrupted by Spears to both men.
Icarus, as usual, can’t handle a Blue-Ray on Kingston, but hit it with Dasher’s help. 3D! Volgar breaks up the Chikara Special only to fall prey to a 3D and Chikara Special himself. Volgar taps!
After the match, Icarus freed Lithuanian Snow Troll, who celebrated his freedom with a low-blow on Icarus. The Flood rushed back in and annihilated the Golden Trio while the crowd chanted “Stockholm Syndrome.” Kingston wanted to abscond with the Grand Championship, but Jacobs told him to be patient.
I definitely did not expect the main Flood trio to fall in just ten minutes. Touchdown seemed to take the worst of the beating, however. We’ll see if that comes into play during the Final.
The Devastation Corporation (Blaster McMassive, Flex Rumblecrunch & Max Smashmaster) (w/ Sidney Bakabella) defeated 3Peck0 (3.0 (Scott Parker & Shane Matthews) & Archibald Peck) via Pinfall
Both of these teams absolutely deserve to be here. I wouldn’t mind either of them making the Finals, although a Chikara vs. Chikara Final would be awkward. 3Peck0 came out with some face paint, mocking their opponents.
Devastation Corporation dominated Jagged for a long time before Parker made the tag. Rumblecrunch is still the weak link of the Devastation Corporation, but he has improved dramatically over the last few months.
Great back and forth action eventually led to a Boston Crab on McMassive broken up by Smashmaster, leading to some brutal double team maneuvers and nearfalls. Finally, 3Peck0 drilled a triple-team Sweet Taste of Professionalism, but McMassive kicked out! Triple Boston Crabs are locked in, but Sidney Bakabella pulled out the referee.
Bakabella fled 3Peck0, leading them right into a trap. Devastation Corporation cleared the ring. One Death Blow later and the Devastation Corporation headed off to the Finals with less rest, but probably fresher.
Mark Andrews defeated Oliver Grimsly via Pinfall
Oliver Grimsly cut a video promo saying he is Mark Andrews’ worst nightmare. Unless Mark Andrews is terrified of victory, I’m not sure he has a lot to worry about.
Andrews, at one point, busted out the Lady of the Lake. Does every British wrestler know that one? The match was fun while it lasted. Grimsly is an underrated wrestler and knows how to make his opponents look good. Andrews hit a Shooting Star Press for the win.
Andrews flew back across the Pond with a win. Meanwhile, Grimsly was somehow not murdered by Deucalion for his incompetence. To this date, the only victory the Odditorium has registered was a disqualification victory when the Batiri excessively punished them.
The Wrecking Crew (Jaka & Oleg the Usurper) (w/ Sidney Bakabella) defeated Los Ice Creams (El Hijo del Ice Cream & Ice Cream Jr.), N-R-G (Hype Rockwell & Race Jaxon), Old Fashioned (Jervis Cottonbelly & Marion Fontaine), The Batiri (Kodama & Obariyon), The Bloc Party (Prakash Sabar & The Proletariat Boar of Moldova), The Colony (Silver Ant & Worker Ant), The Colony Xtreme Force (Arctic Rescue Ant & Missile Assault Ant), The Dunne Bros (Damian Dunne & Pete Dunne), and The Osirian Portal (Amasis & Ophidian) in a Tag Gauntlet Match
Time for the traditional Tag Gauntlet, aka, a reviewer’s nightmare. Remember, Campeonatos de Parejas points are on the line.
Los Ice Creams started against Old-Fashioned. It’s Jervis’ birthday! Hilarity ensued. Los Ice Creams got out the SPRINKLES, only for Fontaine to appear with a broom to sweep them away. Ice Creams laid out the sprinkles again, only for Jervis to appear with a dustpan, leading Hijo del Ice Cream to despairingly declare “Everything I know is a lie!” They tried it for a third time, only for Jervis to come out with a shop-vac. While he worked on the sprinkles, Hijo rolled up Fontaine.
N-R-G came out next. I have no clue who these guys are. Los Ice Creams were knocked out by a Gunnslinger Backbreaker. The crowd is not happy with the departure of Los Ice Creams.
The Colony: Extreme Force came in next. The Chikarmy has definitely picked up on how good Missile Assault Ant has gotten. He hit his trio of Northern Lights Suplexes to eliminate N-R-G.
The Batiri came in hot. Obariyon took out Missile Assault Ant with a Flying DDT.
The Osirian Portal was next. They tried to calm the Batiri to no effect. For as good as all four of these guys are, this was on the sloppy side. Portal hit the Osirian Sacrament for the win. So far, no one gained more than one point before elimination.
Bloc Party was in next. They put on a great show. Boar Gored Sabar by accident, allowing Ophidian to tap Sabar out with the Ophidian Deathgrip.
The Colony was in next, including the still injured Worker Ant. Amasis made like he was badly injured, leaving Ophidian in a handicap match. No one, including the announcers knew how Amasis hurt himself that badly. Ophidian was worked over, but didn’t give up, eventually slipping into a bridging backslide on Silver Ant for the win.
Dunne Brothers are in next. My guess is that they don’t have Dunn Brothers in the UK. The Portal now had three points, but had to finish the gauntlet in order to cash in. Amasis kicked out of a lot of punishment, but found a 450 Splash to knock out Team UK.
Four points and only one team to beat. Unfortunately, it was the Wrecking Crew in to pick the scraps. Barber took a bump allowing Bakabella to hit Ophidian with a roll of quarters to secure the victory.
Solid good gauntlet overall. It started off really fun, bogged down in the middle, and picked back up for the end. It wasn’t the sheer fun of 2012’s Rybackian Devastation Corporation debut, but it got the job done.
The Gentleman’s Club (Chuck Taylor, Drew Gulak, Orange Cassidy & The Swamp Monster) vs. The Submission Squad (Davey Vega, Evan Gelistico, Gary The Barn Owl & Pierre Abernathy)
It’s a Dragon Gate USA sort of weekend, apparently. Drew Gulak was a Wrestling Is Respect mainstay, but this was his first Chikara appearance. For those unfamiliar, Gulak is one of the best technical wrestlers on the planet, on par, at least, with Silver Ant. My only issue with him is that he’s the “old school” type that doesn’t wear knee pads, which makes him seem kinda naked in his tights. I have no clue why those things make a difference, but they do. Orange Cassidy wrestles as though he is constantly fighting off a wicked hangover.
The Submission Squad was promptly covered in streamers. It was quite the change from their missed 2012 Trios match or the 2009 tag match so terrible it became “one of the most infamously reviled matches in Chikara history.”
This match, however, was just good, clean fun. A submission chain was broken up by a Gary the Barn Owl crossbody. Swamp Monster and Barn Owl seemed to hit it off, actually. Chucky T busted out the invisible grenade and stuffed it down Davey Vega’s overalls. Vega called timeout, freezing time in the process. Sadly, it was not enough to prevent Taylor from detonating the grenade.
Gary the Barn Owl and the Swamp Monster joined forces, attacking members of both teams, somehow leading to a double clothesline from Bryce Remsburg and a group pose? If that seems weird to read, it was weirder to see. The Submission Squad hit a Stone Cold Stunner, Rock Bottom, Hogan Leg Drop, and Warrior Splash on Swamp Monster for the win. Chikara usually finds a way to stuff a great comedy match into Night 3.
Sanada wrestled circles around Shynron in the early goings. Shynron’s unnecessary flipping makes for fun four-ways, but tends to drag down singles matches. Sanada took control and German Suplexed Shynron over the ropes to the outside. Shynron came back, however, hitting his bottom rope 450 Splash for a nearfall.
More flips ensued before Sanada distracted the easily distractible Jonathan Barber, sprayed Shynron with Green Mist, and blasted him with a Superkick. Shynron kicked out, took Sanada down and hit the second-rope 630 Senton for the win.
Goddammit, Shynron… Ugh…. Here’s what I started typing as the match drew to its conclusion: “Overall, this was a great match. Shynron is getting better and better at busting out the flips when they make sense and at sustaining a wrestling match without them.”
Then, Shynron just straight up no-sold the poison mist. Amasis was screaming in agony the night before and Shynron was just like “What’s all this spit mean?” He didn’t even sell the mist after the match! Nothing!
In conclusion, fuck Shynron forever.
The Devastation Corporation (Blaster McMassive, Flex Rumblecrunch & Max Smashmaster) (w/Sidney Bakabella) defeated Icarus & The Throwbacks (Dasher Hatfield & Mark Angelosetti) via Pinfall in the King of Trios 2014 Final
Here it is. Chikara versus the Flood for the King of Trios medals and for… Hmm… Actually, I’m not really sure what victory means beyond bragging rights.
Startlingly, the Devastation Corporation had some vocal supporters. Their reasoning became clear when those same people booed Icarus. I guess I’m not the only one who hasn’t been happy with Icarus’ wrestling and/or leadership since Chikara’s revival.
Devastation Corporation took over the match and worked over Touchdown early on. The crowd quickly started dueling chants to fuel the match. The Devastation Corporation took turns eating Golden Trio signatures, but Chikara couldn’t keep them down. Finisher barrage! Angelosetti hit a Superplex on Smashmaster for two. 3D and Chikara Special to Blaster! Sidney tried to pull the referee out of the ring again, but Bryce kicked him away, only for Rumblecrunch to save the match.
Flex slipped out of the Blu-Ray and tossed Icarus into a Black Hole Slam. Death Blow. 1-2-NO! Icarus kicked out of the Death Blow! The Throwbacks saved the day and hit Prime Time on McMassive, but Flex broke up the pin again. Finally, a Death Blow put down Dasher to secure the 2014 King of Trios for The Flood.
This was your MATCH OF THE EVENING. Yesterday, I suggested that the Devastation Corporation hadn’t done enough to deserve victory. This match proved me wrong. It had great action and suspense from start to finish and all six men carried the match equally. Congrats to all three of those guys. They absolutely earned those medals.
The entire Flood came out to celebrate with Sidney and the gang. This brought out Hallowicked and the rest of Chikara, apparently really angry that The Flood won cleanly? It’s a full-on brawl that was won by the Flood due to fresher teams and greater numbers.
As Icarus crawled around in the ring, Jacobs grabbed a microphone and told Icarus it was time to hand over the Grand Championship. Either Icarus gives Kingston the title or the Flood takes it anyways and burns Chikara to the ground. How does that choice tie into their stated goal or Chikara’s destruction?
Icarus chose Door #1, but not before telling Kingston that the Grand Championship means nothing without Chikara. That belt might mean everything to Kingston, but Chikara means more to Icarus. Icarus challenged Kingston to be worthy of the Grand Championship.
Kingston kissed the Grand Championship before attacking Jimmy Jacobs and leading the resurgent Chikara forces to victory. Chikara stood tall to end the show.
2014 King of Trios wasn’t the roller-coaster of emotion and technical brilliance we got in 2012. The stakes didn’t seem as high as in 2010. However, Chikara stepped up their game over this weekend.
Taken together, this weekend’s shows were easily the best of the year in storytelling and in wrestling. Individually, Night 2 probably edges “You Only Live Twice” as the show of year.
If there’s one bone to pick, it’s with the pacing of the Eddie Kingston saga. The battle for Kingston’s allegiance started very early in the season. It felt like nothing happened for a very long time until he finally joined the Flood. Then, on the next set of shows, he turned on them and joined Chikara.
I enjoyed the Kingston story and thought the storytelling made sense. We just didn’t see Kingston actually do anything to help the Flood. He got Jacobs a DQ win. He helped kill two dudes that the Flood could have taken out on their own. That’s it. No matches, no tournaments, no nothing. It would have been nice to see Kingston joining to the Flood matter before bringing him back.
That said, this weekend was an unequivocal success. Next, it’s “Thunderball” from North Carolina!
Should I Buy It?
For Any Reason? It’s King of Trios! Why are you still asking!
I Am Chikara – You Only Live Twice – Quantum of Solace – Diamonds Are Forever – Goldfinger – The Living Daylights – The World Is Not Enough – Permis De Tuer – Vivre Et Laisser Mourir – King of Trios 2014 (Night One)(Night Two)(Night Three) – Thunderball – Moonraker – On Her Majesty’s Secret Service – For Your Eyes Only – Tomorrow Never Dies