I’ve never written or spoken about this before.
My credentials as a Catholic are pretty well-established. Baptized, Eucharized, confirmed. Fruits and gifts memorized. Bible read. Parables understood and applied. Nineteen years of Catholic education. Campus ministry volunteer.
During college, things began to change.
I saw the hypocrisy of the Catholic Church: The selective infallibility of the Pope. The Biblical cherry-picking during election season. The systemic subjugation of women. And most importantly to me, the willing scientific ignorance required to continue the demonization and marginalization of our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters throughout the United States.
So after graduating, I left. And I’ve never gone back.
However, my quest for spirituality never ended. I embraced logic and science to better understand my existence and the existence of the world around me, all while secretly feeling ashamed for having abandoned God.
With all this on my mind, I ventured into St. Paul’s Cathedral during my recent trip to London. Years of Catholic guilt swelled within as I fouled and besmirched a place as beautiful and as holy as St. Paul’s with my heathen presence.
What can I say? The Church trained me well.
In the end, my tour of St. Paul’s Cathedral only confirmed my agnosticism. If a building as gorgeous, ornate, ancient, and awe-inspiring as St. Paul’s couldn’t rekindle my affection for a god that may or may not exist, I don’t know what will.
Heck, if St. Paul’s and its incredible architecture inspired anything, it was my faith in science and humanity.
I’m not Catholic anymore.
And I’m finally okay with it.